Feeling anger

It can be hard to see others enjoying the relationships you have lost and this can lead to associated feelings of anger and resentment. People sometimes express feeling guilty and often not knowing how to deal with these feelings of anger when they arise.

Anger is a natural, appropriate, and most importantly understandable emotion in grief.  You may feel that those around you do not understand, that their well-meaning comments only serve to highlight how little they appreciate what you’re going through.  Having lost one of the most important people in your life you may find yourself angry with the world, with your faith, with the universe.  The premature nature of many of these losses can naturally cause the strongest feelings of injustice and pain. 

These feelings make sense and they deserve to be there.  What is harder still is when we criticise or punish ourselves for these natural and understandable emotions.  In doing this we add an extra layer of struggle to our already full plate. 

However, counter-intuitively, it is in these times of extreme pain that it is perhaps hardest to be kind to ourselves and take steps to practice self compassion.  A conscious effort to remain non-judgmental of yourself, whatever feelings come up, can help.  If you find that difficult to apply to yourself it’s sometimes easier to imagine what you would say to a good friend if they were going through what you are currently experiencing. Then remind yourself that you are no different from them and deserve the same care and understanding.

So, what advice would you give a good friend in your situation?

Now, can you take that advice for yourself?

Kirsten,
TLF Team

 

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